Meet Darcey Hoggs
by State Hopper
Summary: Mary Sue mock fics are becoming about as common as actual Mary Sue's, hey I have to join the masses. Meet Darcey hoggs. [mega short fic with some bad words --- >.


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Meet Darcey Hoggs

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"Oh he is so hot!" Darcey cooed to herself, with another bite from her twinky. Vegeta was presently performing those infamous one fingered pushups with his animated chest all nakie, tanned, and sweaty like. About Darcey's pigmy legs was a jigsaw puzzle of popcorn. Where as on her chubby, pimply face lay a barrage of smeared salt and butter. Cooing once again with a sick _I-want-to-molest-you_ smile, Darcey giggled. "If I ever meet Prince Vegeta I would like _totally_ kiss him to death!" never once occurred to the girl that animators could have Vegeta in a tutu by Tuesday. Darcey screwed up her sun burnt nose and squeezed both eyes down to nothing. " I wish, I wish, I wish, I was in dbz" she chanted sticking out her tongue to show tremendous concentration, takes a lot to wish so hard.

To absolute-mondo-premo surprise shock horror stuff here folks Darcey suddenly found herself outside of Capsule Corporation, **YET** to everyone's surprise (especially the reader?) Darcey was suddenly fucking hot and... a Saiya-jin!** WHOAAAAA! EXTREME!** She was 5'9ft, 55kgs, killer ass, perfect bust ... **PLUS** a pair of the most gorgeous and radiant uh... blacked dotted eyes this writer has ever written. Snorting and jiggling about on her feet Darcey almost wet her _FUNimation _underwear. "I knew if I obsessed enough the all mighty dbz gods would see my wisdom and grant me this wish" Darcey instantly forgot her family and any ties to home, leaping to fly like the speed of light toward the front of Capsule Corp. As she landed on the white concrete step her bust bounced like Nahga's and she rung the bell.

"Prince Vegeta! I am here my true lov..." but wait! Dracey suddenly narrowed her eyes as a ping sensation surged from the left. "hah hah!" she clicked her fingers and flew over the pale domb roof "That must be Prince Vegeta, cause only he has a power level of some random number where as Goku has a power level of some other random number..." she stopped in front of Vegeta's gravity pod and snorted like a pig at feeding, wondering for a moment if it would be safe to go in "Lucky that I am the strongest fighter in the entire universe with a power level of some bang on number otherwise I would never be able to impress my noble true love" inside the gravity room Vegeta was being monotonous and boring. Training at a maddening pace as all power-hungrey-phyco-obsessed-anime-characters do. Tossing back her fuck-me-quick-swim-suit-addition hair do. Darcey placed two fingers to her brow and instantly transmisioned into the gravity room. How fortunate that she gained every single fighting technique on arrival.

The room was sultry red, like some seventies shag house. The gravitron humming away as if to play a mood-setting song --- 'screw me rough, screw me sickly, I'm your slave so do it quickly' --- Amazingly Darcey's perky body found the four hundred and fifty times earth's normal gravity a walk in the park. It took little of a nano second for Vegeta to set back his legs in stance. The characters brilliant white teeth shinning out as sweat continued to trace along that tanned physic. Staring on, to see her true love mere feet away, wonder woman swayed those hips. Vegeta was at a loss to who this dark eyed sex kitten was, but felt her power to be far far far FAR greater than his own.

"Who the heck are you!" he exclaimed with pathetic conviction. Darcey swung about her tail in sexual suggestion, waltzing up to Vegeta like a bitch on heat.

"I'm Rahjiasu-walla-walla-sen" she dubbed herself "My love I am your true love of loves... love" she shook her head and went back to squeezing her eyes, hoping they looked provocative. Vegeta being the short-minute man that he was, rose his eyes with each step she took.

"Y-you have a tail?" he loudly noted the obvious appendage flailing about. (And I thought I was unobservant.)

"Yes, I am your Saiya-jin mate to be" her voice suddenly aquired a British accent. Vegeta straightened his back, almost smirking. "Is that so?" well the man already had a **MAJOR **inferiority complex as well as some **MAJOR** Baggage, seemed fitting that some **5'9 WOMAN** with a power level of **OVER FIVE KAGILLION** wanted him to be her mate? Vegeta pondered on this for a moment then snickered to himself, as if about to say something really clever. In a flash Napolean leapt upon Rahjiasuh-walla-walla-sen with week old breath and a stale sticky body. Pressing his chapped lips to hers.

Lying Vegeta like a bitch on the floor, sixteen year old Rahjiasu-walla-walla-sen and reseeding-hair-line-guy engaged in wild ass monkey sex for the next three days. On the fourth day, Rahjiasu-walla-walla-sen, being the perfect warrior that she was, set out to convert the androids, destroy Cell and get a manicure all in one hour. She saved the day, saved the world, and saved everything but this fic.

Dozing in bed many months later Rahjiasu-walla-walla-sen kissed the back of an animated neck. "Prince Vegeta my love of loves" she spoke in a sickening drawl "I am not really Saiya-jin I am from an alternate universe where this world is a television show, I am from America. I have watched and dreamed about you since I was a kid. I am not who you thought" Vegeta snickered, as if he himself had some underlying truth about it all. Rolling over he looked at her and smirked.

"Is Reagan still in office?"

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Review if you like!

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